Day 2 of my 35 Day Challenge
What have i learned today ?
Today i’ve learned how to connect better with people and build a bigger network.
A while ago i stumbled across Dale Carnegie’s book – How to win Friends and Influence People. I think i read it the first time when i was 16. But unfortunately i lacked the discipline and the willpower that it took to use the things i’ve learned. I still lack volition. But i’m aware of it and i’m going to find a solution for that. So back to the book. Since then a lot of time has passed and my network actually grew. I met wonderful people since then and built strong connections. My Network is far from perfect though. Besides a few very good friends most of my connections have fallen asleep. Once in a while you congratulate them on Facebook or like something they posted. But you haven’t seen or talked to them in years. That’s what i mean with “asleep”. And today that book caught my eye again. So i thought i should refresh my knowledge. If you can make other people like you, they will be more likely to support you.
You might already know most of this, but it’s always good to have a little reminder of how to make a good first Impression and get people to like you :
- Smile
- Don’t criticize
- Show them appreciation
Smiling is great. It makes you instantly more likable and you will feel happier as well. Try walking around in the City and randomly smiling at strangers. I do that a lot. Most of the time i’m laughing about myself because i’m sure people will think i’m crazy, but it makes me happy and once in a while people smile back.
Don’t criticize. Especially not if you just met someone for the first time. I do that sometimes. And i think to myself that it might help that person in the long run (of course i’m using constructive criticism), but it definitely will make me less likable to them. I mean, try to think about yourself in that situation. You just met someone and they might be nice, but then they criticize something about you or your work or whatsoever and even if you know they might be right or that you should be thankful for their honest Opinion, you still like them less afterwards. If you really want to help, don’t criticize them, show them how to do it better, how they can improve and leave it up to them. Try saying that with a friendly voice and a smile on your face and try to make it sound like a great idea, that just happened to appear in your head. It might help 🙂
Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. – Dale Carnegie
And always show them appreciation. Everyone likes to get some recognition once in a while. It feels good if people see you and value what you’re doing or who you are to them. And it will certainly leave a good Impression on people.
Another thing i’ve actually feel like i’ve heard it a million times is how to have a conversation in a way, that makes you interesting and more likable:
- according to Carnegie’s book you seem more interesting in a conversation, if you actually talk less and are a good listener
- if you talk about the other persons topic of interest
- if you show sincere interest in the other person and remember their name for example
To be fair i prefer people who talk more than me. I guess it makes me feel better and i can practice my listening skills. Only if they have something interesting to say though. Which is not that hard in my case, cause i’m interested in pretty much anything. I just don’t like listen to people who complain a lot or talk about their diseases. But that’s a general No-go anyway. You should always avoid complaining or talking about diseases. It’s ok to do it once in a while with close family and friends, but not all the time. Instead do something about it. If it’s a disease, go to the doctor and talk with him about it.
Being a good listener. Something i’m still practicing. And i think i got better at it. Unless the conversation is about a topic i’m super excited about, then i might forget myself and chew your ears off. What makes a good listener, you ask ? Well, look them in the eyes, nod approvingly, repeat what they said to better understand and memorize it, ask questions to show your interest, tell them when you agree with a topic, try to understand their point of view, lean in or better lean towards them, watch your body language and make sure it’s open ( no crossed arms, palms are pointing in their direction shows openness etc. ) . Oh and mirror them. If they sit in a certain way copy them. If they drink, you drink ( a few seconds afterwards and not to obvious of course ). That helps as well.
Talk about things your opponent is interested in. That just makes sense i think. Your always instantly having more fun in a conversation if you talk about topics you like with a likeminded person. At least i do. So just turn that around. If it’s a Person that is important to you, that you always wanted to meet and now you want them to like you of course, research what they like in advance ( stalk them on Facebook or ask their friends, everyone does it 🙂 ) and talk about that with them. Try to find something interesting about that topic, that this person might not know yet. It’s always nice if you can take something out of a conversation and it might impress them. And if they knew that already, you will have one more thing in common. If it’s a person you just randomly met, talk about a lot of different topics, ask a lot of questions and observe their reactions carefully. You will notice if a person likes a topic and then you just have to use it.
Show interest. Well, i’m really bad at remembering names, even if i’m really interested in a person and attracted to them it takes a while until i finally remember their names. So if people can’t remember my name i don’t care as long as they’re friendly. But if they do right away, i’m most of the time quite impressed by that. But you can also show interest by remembering facts or things they told you.
Something i’ve learned in that book but haven’t had the willpower to use yet is actually writing contacts and everything i know about that contact down on cue cards. To be fair Facebook is a big help with that. Cause it makes it easy to keep contact with a person and it even reminds you of their birthdays. It’s still better to have all your Contacts and everything you know about them ( like their birthday, wedding day, names of their spouses and children and so on) on cue cards. It doesn’t have to be analog. There is plenty of apps for that to keep contacts. But it should become a habit of writing not only the contact down, but also all the information you can get about that person. So you can use it, the next time you meet. Another important thing that i learned from that book is how to keep your network strong.
- Never forget their birthdays or other special days
- Always call them personally on their birthdays , or send them a card ( it’s a little it old school, but it shows that you care) for christmas ( or what ever they celebrate)
- Don’t forget to follow up after you’ve met someone so you stay present in their heads and they don’t forget you
- At least once a month you should get in contact with them, so the connection stays strong
- If you can, help them with something (and they will help you in the future, when you need them)
In life it’s all about the connections you make with people. If you have a strong and big network of people, you will always get a job and help when you need it.
So what do you think about that? Do you have a strong network or have your connections also fallen asleep? Let me know in the comments below 🙂
Thanks for reading 🙂
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